Monday, November 07, 2005

The Cuteness Timeline

Parents almost always have our minds on our kids. Father have an easier time distracting ourselves (*cough* *cough* poker *cough*) but generally kids, at least when they are small, take over your life. So, I suppose it is suitable that I write about my kids occasionally, so here goes.

My theory is that kids start out as really cute and with you constantly, to really annoying and with you a lot, to really annoying but MIA. Currently, my daughter Emma is making the first transition and my son Schuyler is solidly in the second stage (don't get me wrong, he has his moments and I love him, but dammit this post is about my daughter).

So, first the cute. To the right is my 26 month old daughter:

Everybody thinks their own kids are cute -- that's what prevents humans from eating our young (a common occurance among scorpions, according to Schuyler's library book). Let me submit to the jury that Emma is cute:

Exhibit A: Lately I've been drilling Emma on the two most important questions she will be asked. Two months ago, it went like this:

Dad: "What is your name?"
Emma: "Emma!"
D: "How old are you?"
E: "Emma!"

Last month it switched to this:

D: "How old are you?"
E: "Two old!" (holding up two fingers)
D: "What is your name?"
E: "Two old!" (fingers again)
D: "Emma, what is your name?"
E: "Twooo ooold!" (clearly pleased with herself)
D: "Emma, your name is Emma. Say 'Emma'!"
E: "Emma!"
D: "What is your name, Emma?"
E: "Two old!"
D: (gives up and eats daughter)

Then I got smart:

D: "How old are you?"
E: "Two old!"
D: "How old is Mommy?"
E: "Too old!"
D: (clearly pleased with himself)

I'm sure I'll need to take that down if my wife ever reads this blog again...

Exhibit B: This morning found me in my usual place in front of the computer and Emma was sitting on my lap watching Barney. The following conversation took place:

D: (hugs Emma)
E: "No!"
D: "Can't Daddy have a hug?"
E: "No!"
D: (goes back to working on the computer)
E: (hugs me) "One hug!"
D: "Oh, thank you Emma!"
E: (lets go and sits up, waits 5 seconds, then goes in for another hug) "Two hugs!"

(who says TV doesn't teach kids how to count!)

Exhibit C: An hour later I was upstairs getting dressed and putting some laundry away, and Emma got entranced by the full length mirror we have on our door. With my awesome memory (such an advantage at the poker table), I forget her exact words, but she was saying a random sentence she had said earlier -- for the purposes of this exhibit, I'll just assume it was "I like cream cheese". Anyway...

I wasn't really paying attention but I noticed her talking to herself in the mirror. It went something like this: "I like cream cheese!" (putting on her best cute face, tilting her head to the side and smiling). "ha ha ha ha!". A few seconds later: "I like cream cheese... Ha ha ha ha!" (with the same cute smile and head tilt). Who said girls don't fall in love with their own reflections early. What's even funnier is that she was at it for about 5 minutes, saying it over and over, then she toddled over to see what I was doing, and went back for 5 minutes more of her little self-affirmation exercise.

Exhibit D: Ten minutes after the mirror episode, I was trying to get Emma ready to go to the sitter. She had put her socks on, and I had her bring over her sneakers, but I needed to rearrange one of her socks as she was sitting on her lap.

D: (removes sock) "Here, we need to put this on better."
E: "Emma do it."
D: "No, we need to get going. Daddy do it."
E: "Emma do it!" (grabs sock)
D: "No, really, Emma. We're going to be late. Let me do it."
E: "Emma DO IT!"
D: "Ok, Emma can't go to Billy's house (sitters son) unless Daddy does it."
E: (not falling for Jedi mind trick) "EMMA DO IT!"

Anyway, that continued for like three minutes, but I eventually convinced her to let me do it (she never gets them on right, and if I jam her little size 4 1/2's into a size 4 shoe with a sock in the wrong place she'll be in pain).

So, there you have it -- evidence that Emma is in the middle of the transition from "I want to eat you up you are so cute" to "I want to eat you because you're annoying and I am hungry".

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